Last year in the beginning of October I attempted and it (obviously) didn’t work. Since then I told myself I’d give myself a year with all the professional help I could get and if I didn’t keep feeling that way I would stay alive no matter how bad it got. Well, it’s still here. And so much worse than then. The thought of suicide is comforting to fall onto, like a warm hug. The only hug I want. This past year I’ve let myself do all the things I’ve wanted to do. Hook up with as many people as I want, finally cut off my family, travel, and love goth fashion on myself. I’ve done all of it and I’m at peace now. I know it hasn’t been a year but is it worth staying if this is close enough to a year? I don’t know, but I hope so.