Anyone else ever feel more suicidal when they get to a high point in life? Like right now, I’m at the highest point I’ve been in probably 5 years, and I have so many existential questions and doubts that I have occasional thoughts of just ending it now while I’m in a good place instead of sliding back into a dark place and inevitably dying naturally as a sad man. The thing is, I don’t actively idealize suicide. I just fantasize about dying doing something I love doing (getting bit by a shark while surfing, dirtbike accident, etc.) and how I wouldn’t mind it. My legacy would be how I took myself out of a dark place, made a lot of friends, and found hobbies I love.

For lack of a better explanation, I’ve found true happiness and I feel like I don’t have much else to live for. Is this valid, or is this the last hurrah for my depression manifesting itself?