So I've put it in my calendar (seems a bit silly now that I'm writing it out but it is what it is),

I'm 27 now, for the past 2 years I've been trying to seek support for what I'm thinking is Bipolar type 2 - before that, starting at around 13, I was trying to seek out support for depressive symptoms,

I have a private therapist, I have friends, I have family, I have a job, I exercise, I eat ok, I do mindfulness techniques and since January I've been trialling different anti-depressants (Sertraline, Citalopram and Peroxetine),

Since January I've been rapidly cycling through (and simultaneously) feeling really impulsive and over confident as well as feeling almost constantly suicidal - I try telling my GP practice but it always feels like an interrogation where they're trying to catch me out,

So I've put it in my calendar that on my 30th birthday if I'm still in the same predicament - no services of support for Bipolar or whatever it is thats wrong with me, no medication that helps, no formal diagnosis - I'm gonna kill myself,

I'm hoping I'll be able to find a way to do it before then but now I feel like I have a time limit to reach, I'm not constantly waiting and waiting to be "healed" by professionals who give 0 shits about me