As the title mentions, I am a multiple attempt survivor (pills, wrists, driving negligence where I was the only person involved).

Lost all of my brothers from the Army either through deployments or suicide and everyday I wish to join them again.

It’s been nearly 8 years since I’ve had a gf. My ex fiancé left me for the slight possibility of getting their education funded. Since then I haven’t been with another woman and it hasn’t been for a lack of trying. Being an introvert, it takes me time to work up the courage to approach women that I might find attractive.

My main problem is that I’m short, standing at only 5.6 and being a fatter guy, I’m so far away from the socially preferred standard of handsomeness. I get all sorts of advice, lose weight (really? I hadn’t thought of that! Thank you!), be more confident (yes because after years of nothing but rejection, I’m just swimming in self confidence), it’s a numbers game (one gal rejects me, move onto the next one until finally I catch a break).

Needless to say, I’ve never been given a natural compliment (a compliment born from spontaneity and not as a response to criticism that I don’t hear it enough). Never been told I was hot for who I am (women of all shapes and sizes can be hot and sexy but a guy who isn’t 6 foot, rocking a dad bod or full blown superhero body, you’re not winning any hotness competitions). I have literally NEVER had a woman approach me and initiate contact because they found me attractive (you know how amazing it would feel to have someone approach you for once?).

I’m about to be 36, I feel like a failure in life. By this age, I had hoped to already have a wife, a family, a home. Instead my life consists of working and isolation in my tiny apartment. People tell me, you should go out to places, try and make some friends; well its not that simple when you're an introvert going to these places by yourself without anyone to lean on for support.

I wish self determination wasn’t such a controversial topic. I’m ready to let go.