I’m writing this to get some of my thoughts down. I love the people in my life. I love my dogs. I love my job. I love my hobbies. I love nature. I love so many things. I can’t bear the thought of never returning home to my puppies. They would miss me. They would be destroyed. Is it selfish of me to cry for the dogs that I love and will hurt in such a cruel way? My family will be just as destroyed. My few friends will be decimated. But I’m so tired. So tired. I truly want to die yet I don’t. I don’t want to be alive but I don’t want to leave, either. I don’t know how to make it stop. The never-ending pain. It doesn’t stop. It never has. I’ve had happy moments, sure. The pain never really goes away, though. I have so many reasons to live yet why isn’t it enough for me? I just hurt. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel worthless anymore. I don’t want to feel so alone despite all of the kindness I am shown. I’ll still be here tomorrow. Because I’m a coward.