I came out as a trans woman to my father on Christmas Day, and he looked visibly distraught, he ultimately said I’m an adult and I can do what I want but something just didn’t feel right, the following day he gets into an argument with me saying “so you’re going to have boobs and a penis?” Told me that I’m dishonoring my mothers memory by changing my birth name to my chosen name, the next day things were quiet, he got the flu but I also felt like he was trying to avoid me, then today, he told me I broke my grandparents heart, he called my grandmother and told her that I’m transgender which was something I would’ve preferred to do, he freaked out at me over putting ashuwandah gummies in a cabinet instead of giving them to him, and it then prompted him to ask me what I wanna be, which he answered for me “a girl?” And I said yes and he said “but you have a penis!” Told me he was going to take me to court to have me removed from the building.

My father is 63, and I’m 31.

I feel abandoned and alone, I’m disabled and he was my guardian for dependency. I don’t feel safe here but I also don’t feel safe in my own mind, I’m afraid to leave the house now too, I’m afraid he’s going to keep me from rentering the building, I don’t want to be here either, I’d rather be with my mother which would mean I would have to not be alive anymore and tbh it sounds so much more calm and safe than being here with my transphobic father.

I don’t want to be alive anymore.