I find myself in a strange place.

Every waking moment, left to my own thoughts, has been spent thinking of how ill leave. It occupies my mind most of the time, even when I'm distracted.

I find myself in a strange place,

My partner. I'll call her that out of respect. She needs my help. She's sucking the last bit of energy and will to live from me. I disappointed her. I was too weak. I was too me. I do not wish to be me anymore. I've tried to change but I cannot.

I find myself in a strange place,

We cuddle in bed and she Cries on my shouldrt, I tell her to be strong and that everything will be okay. With an unwavering voice I tell her she's normal, she's great, she's strong. She's getting stronger every day. I believe it. I've seen her be strong. She is strong when she abuses me. She is strong when she blackmail me, gaslights me, cheats on me. She can be strong.

I find myself in a strange place,

I am kind and patient with her. I withstand the abuse and I apologize. I want the storm to pass. I won't be here much longer. As long as I can blame it all on me, I don't have to worry about her. She will be okay. She can be strong.

I find myself in a strange place,

We kiss while I think about my departure. I have to hold back the tears as I feel her tongue touch mine. I can't let her see them. I have to pretend to be strong.

I find myself on a strange place,

My mother will hurt the most. I have to write to her. Let her know she did everything she could and more. I was raised from a broken seed, I grew to be an unwanted weed. She deserved better. My father too. Although I don't think he will care. He stopped caring 26 years or so ago.

I find myself in a strange place,

I have to go while she has a choice. I'll leave her what she needs to start a new life with him. I hope she's right about him. I hope he can give her the life she wants.

I find myself in a strange place,

The foundations are rotting, the walls are caving in. Still, I smile. It's only for a little while. None of it will matter in the end.

A relationship is a potential left to the future, My sun set when she closed the lid. When she chose him, I won't forgive her.