I truly don’t have anything I feel worth living for. I live in constant pain and agony. Feeling alone as a husband and father even though I am surrounded by my family. However all I do is live for them but no one seems to want to live for me. I went to bed last night asking god to just not wake me up and then here I am again. The worthless scum that I am. Not worth loving not worth intimacy always feeling wrong and always feeling like everything that fucks up is my fault. I mean it probably is. So if it is, why waste the space and if it’s not, why live feeling with way. I just wish I had the guts to end it all. I’m scared to die and I’m scared to live because living right now is just survival. I don’t matter to anyone in my life, or otherwise. Ugh. Yes I see a therapist and yes I take meds but all it does it take the feelings and minimize them a little. In the end I still feel like a worthless waste of space.