i worry i’m turning out to be just like my brother. he wanted to be a writer. then he published a book with some very disgusting things in it and then killed himself.

i’m in college studying to be a writer. i write sad and ugly true things about my life like he did. everything i’ve heard about him sounds just like me. i never met him but i think we would’ve gotten along well.

i used to think i could save him. that if we had met before i found out he existed, maybe i could’ve been there for him and changed his mind. it’s obviously too late now. i just am terrified my life will go the way his has. that i’ll be in my 40’s and still miserable and alone. i kind of just want to end it early before it gets there. i’d truly rather die than get to that point.