I'm loosing everything. Every progress I made towards a better life, a very difficult thing for a person full of mental health issues like me, is going to be undone. I'm going to loose the job I had such a hard time to get, my current home, my therapist, my chance at finally starting to have a better life in general... I will have to go back to my parents' (who are not bad people and they have good intentions, but they make me suffer nonetheless and we are not compatible, which is a huge step back for my mental health)... And what hurts the most, being separated from my parrots. This is not because something I did. It's too long to explain.

I been having suicidal ideations since my teens, but never this strong. The worst part is that I'm not actually capable of ending it. I just will continue to suffer endlessly. I want to disappear. Why can't there be a way to just disappear?

Sorry to anyone who reads this pointless rambling, I'm just... I don't know. I never knew. I thought I was starting to, but now I'm more lost than ever. I don't want to live, I didn't chose to, my parents didn't even plan to have me in the first place. I'm just an stupid mistake of theirs. I wasn't meant to be born, is not fair that I have to keep being alive, but I have to. And it's terrible.