I have been through so much in the past year. I left my abusive ex who brutally killed my dog, emotionally abused me, and started physically abusing me. I also was assaulted by a man in August all because I wanted to have what I thought was going to be a fun time. I’m glad I don’t know where he lives since the police are still figuring that out. I have such bad anger issues that I feel I can’t function normally. My road rage has been out of control. I’ve made plans off and on all year almost to kill my ex and myself because I’d rather die than go to prison. I wish he was dead almost every day. I wish for him to suffer a slow, brutal, agonizing, death. I wish I didn’t feel this way or make these plans and almost carry them out. I can’t sleep right because of recurrent, violent, nightmares. I woke up the other day from one in full blown tears because the nightmare was about someone killing the puppy I just got this February. I’ve been crying so much this week, and I know some of it is because I did molly, acid, and a line of coke last weekend at a festival. I had to end things with the couple I was dating because I realized someone wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement. I’ve just been so incredibly angry that I hate myself for it. I’m trying so hard to not do anything I can’t take back, but it’s so incredibly difficult. I’m so worried I’ll at least end up seriously harming myself before I get into therapy, but psych wards are awful and scary/downright boring. How much longer am I expected to do this until I snap?