It's been three years since someone I loved killed myself. My sister was married to a wonderful man and they had two children together. I never fit in with my family and finally someone as wild as me had entered it. He was in our family for about a decade. I remember I called him my brother and he called me sister and we would always be so excited to see each other. He was wild just like me. He was tall, extremely handsome and funny. My sister ended up divorcing him because in 2018 he put a gun inside of his mouth and told her to tell the children to watch out for the bangs. She left with the kids that night, called me and was at a McDonald's parking lot. I didn't know what to do and I was genuinely worried about his safety so I called 911. It was his birthday the next day... She ended up driving three hours to my house and the cops came that next morning and took away all of his guns along with his money he had stashed near the guns. I felt so sorry for him. He stopped responding to my texts and deleted me off Xbox. I honestly felt so bad and loved him still. Then they ended up getting a divorce in 2019 and I convinced my sister to move down south where I lived. That year he began a new relationship with a beautiful girl who seemed to be everything he ever wanted. He seemed happy but still did not respond or talk to me.... He seemed to think I hated him since the cops situation and he knew I was the reason for all of that. We never spoke again. The last time I physically saw him was in 2017 before the incident when we hugged... I'll never forget that night. Fast forward to July 26th 2020. It was a Sunday... I guess him and the new dream girl broke up. They were supposed to be getting married I remember my sister saying this a few months prior. That night he went missing for three days. They ended up finding him in a Fred myer parking lot. That Sunday night he called my sister... Wanted to talk to the kids. He spoke with my niece but my nephew said he didn't want to talk to him. My sister told me she was very mean to him on the phone as she was kinda nasty to him after the divorce. He ended up writing one last note that I have never had the chance to read. He then took a gun and shot himself in the heart. Three days later after being in his truck in the heat they found his body. I will never forget the day my sister called and told me this. It has brought a lot of pain to me and I think of him often. I think about what he thought about and how he was in so much pain. How he felt so alone. His then girlfriend posted it all over social media. She was really horrible to his mother and even though she was living at her parents free house told his mom that she needed to pay his rent for that month. A bunch of other nasty things she did. Ever since that day the thought of taking my own life has been implanted in my mind. I was so much like you Zach, I wish you were still part of my family. I never stopped loving you and I am so very sorry for everything.