Look…I dunno what I am…a year and a half of drug abuse (meth, coke, shit possibly crack too who knows with this shit…) and alcohol abuse and abuse from childhood…dude I dunno if I’m a narcissist who wants people to feel bad for him saying he’s gonna kill myself and I’m just super high as fuck on stimulants…but dude…I wrote a several paragraph suicide note…and I’ve been….ive not cut myself but I’m searching painless ways to go…I dunno if this what I really fell or I’m so much of a POS I need the attention from random internet strangers to validate my hatred for myself…

I don’t wanna be here…I know I’m hurting myself…and most importantly…because of that self hurt…I’m killing the poeple who love me most around me…my mother, not even halfway to 50 yet…loooks almost 65 years old…because everyday she wake up fearing her son is just like his pos dad…the man who beat her…but worse…I kill her slowly by her being my piggy bank for kys substance abuse…I could never blame her…she’s so selfless…she helps anyone she can with no care for her well being…she’s one of the main reason I feel I gotta go..:and why I think I’m possibly passively suicidal…there’s like two me’s in here…ones my mothers light in this world…her love…and the others my biological father…the one who wants to rule it and see it burn…and they’ve both given up and wanna see me, the middle ground…fade away….

God this all sounds so crazy and narcissistic I’m ready for it Reddit…tell me I’m right…I wanna kill myself because I wanna win in the end…don’t I..? I dunno anymore I’m so scared and confused…everyone says this isn’t who I used to be but what if it was just cause the anxiety made me quiet..?

I…eagerly await your responses; But I’d be happy not getting any.