I can't take it anymore. The hopelessness, the isolation, the trauma with no support. I can't work anymore, I get manipulated by people like a fucking stupid child but despite how hard I try I can't figure out how to protect myself and spot cruel people. I can't afford my rent for much longer. I can't parent. I've got only one person in this entire world who supports me and while I thought it would be enough, it's not. They can't solve my problems. Nor can I. Everyone's left me for reasons I don't even understand, and they won't communicate to me. The only future I can see for myself is being homeless. I don't want that. I don't want any of this anymore. I just want to die. Everyday is nothing but pain, I've been fighting so hard for years to survive but there's no more fight left. The hill is too steep. I can't do the things I used to be able to do and it's just getting worse and worse. And no one cares. No one helps. I'm discarded garbage, forgotten to the people that once loved me. Apparently if you can't keep up with life or you trip and fall, you may as well fucking die.

Numbness eventually eats away at the pain. I'm thinking of doing it properly this time. Make a proper plan, find a way that works. Better than letting everyone just watch me deteriorate. This world is hell. There has to be an end.