Every time I start to think about killing myself, I start to think about the people around me, but not because of them missing me, they will get over it. I start to think about the problems it would cost. I’m still in debt from a year I’m half of college, I’m on a lease with two other people, I have a car note and some other stuff. I feel if I didn’t have these attachments, that I would of attempted it already. I feel like I’m not really suicidal and just wasting time but I really don’t want to be here right now. I keep thinking about life after death and the what if’s. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I’m not joking when I think these things but it seems like my anxiety get the best of me and start to make me realize that I have things I would have to fix before I actually do. I have a box cutter in my room and I’ve been thinking of cutting myself to let the pain calm me down but I’m afraid that I might actually kill myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s feels like I’m just lazy, and complain a lot and I don’t want to get ppl involved but every single out would effect someone somehow. At the moment I would like to go without causing anyone any grief