I know i should be thankful to be in college and have good grades but ik that past graduation there wont be anything for me.

Ive been stuck in the house after getting SAd and having to leave campus because housing is expensive. Now i just do school online and its very depressing. I see people i used to hang out with on social media still and my heart breaks everytime i see them out doing something with their friends and stuff. It hurts worse when i see them going on dates and stuff. I want to date again but my living circumstances prohibit me from that. Call it a Rapunzel situation.

It just really hurts, and i dont talk to anyone when i feel like this because its stupid. I just pretend to talk to people in my head and that only helps me cope to an extent. I self harmed some months ago and ive been thinking about doing it again recently more and more.

Its just i feel i have no one and on top of the undiagnosed mental problems i have going on it hurts to not be taken seriously and then when i do open up because i get told i should it never ends well. I wish i could disappear. Im doing all this stuff to try an be a normal functioning adult but its gotten me no where. I dont know what to do and im scared and confused majority of the time and asking for help nowadays doesn't get you anywhere. I even went to the hospital and they sent me back hone with nothing and told me i needed therapy but i dont have access to that.

I really have no one and if i do i dont know who it is. My mind just hurts. All i know is to do school and be on good terms with everyone and be as less of a burden on people as possible.

Then i see people on social media going to there partners when their struggling or family members and friends and being accepted and cared for. I dont know if im just weird or too far gone in depression to be accepted. I dont get it. Is there a code??

Idk im just tired the world hates me and my brain is just not okay idk what to do.