I have no friends. I have a boyfriend who genuinely is amazing. But we only get to spend about a day with each other each week because of work and stuff. Something is deeply broken in me. I feel so shitty when he leaves for work in another town for half the week. And I’ve been trying to become less codependent on him by creating some space between us. And trying to make myself be okay with not being able to spend time with him. But now that has changed into me just trying to not care at all if we spend time together. And it is hurting him. Which is so shitty of me. I don’t know how to exist. He should probably leave me because I don’t know how to love someone without loving them so much that I feel like my existence depends on being around them. And I can’t make friends, no matter what I try. I feel aimless. Im graduating soon, but the only jobs that I would enjoy I just get rejected from. So now I’m thinking about doing grad school, just so that I can maybe someday get a job I want. I hate being in school. It makes me so miserable. I don’t know why I’m even supposed to keep existing. I used to think the reason was for the connections we make with other people, but that is just inaccessible to me now. I used to be in therapy, but it turned out my insurance is shit. So I can’t afford to keep going. My boyfriend keeps telling me that I need to go back to therapy, but I feel so broken. I don’t think the one or two sessions I could afford would make any difference. I just don’t want to exist.