I have Adhd. I take adderall for my adhd. I AM unfortunately psychologically dependent on my meds for my adhd and now that I am out I am not freaking okay. I contacted my doctor, but I still have to wait a WHOLE WEEK before I can get my meds!

Since I ran out at the beginning of the week I have been hyperfixating for DAYS about sex and getting a sexual partner because my libido is naturally high, but not having my meds means I just CAN'T take my mind off it.

NOW I have a date tomorrow night with a gay guy who wants to blow me and I'm NOT GAY! This is a result of my batshit insane impulsivity without my adderal and a general sexual frustration that I've been feeling since separating from my ex gf that has now bubbled up to the absolute height of all of my attention.

WHY can't I just BE NORMAL?!? I'm just sooo freaking impulsive and it's soooo mentally taxing and frustrating.

And NOW I feel really bad because the guy I'm going to see has already been stood up by multiple people and I HATE disappointing people.

All of this at the same time I can't help but notice how ridiculously absurd this all is because by all rights my life would be considered pretty good. Some people struggle with getting food and shelter meanwhile I'm here going crazy because my brain is dysfunctional and I'm complaining about going to get my dick sucked tomorrow.

God... I just, Aaaaaaahhhhh! I have dark fantasies of taking one of my families shotguns and just Kurt Kobaining myself in the woods!!!! WHHHHHYYYYY.

MY LIFE IS PRETTY NORMAL, WHY AM I NOT NORMALLLLLLL?!