My partners grandfather is dying and he's visiting him in the hospital right now. His dad died years ago so he's experienced death and this is his father's father.

I'm sitting outside, drinking a coffee, waiting for an hour. And I'm so angry and jealous that he gets to sit with him and say goodbye. He was asking me "it's a bit awkward but what do I say?"

What I would do to have been able to sit in a room, talking to my brother, before he died. And then I'm so angry and jealous that people get to live to 90! It's not fair. All these people get to grow old, experience their 30s, 40s, 50s... and they take it for granted. That people will grow old.

So here I am. Crying on a bench with a coffee at 9am away from the hospital. Angry and sad that people get the LUXURY to say goodbye. That I didn't get the chance with my brother. That my brother won't be there with me when I have to go through this with our parents. My partner has a sister. He goes through the loss of their only connection with her father TOGETHER.

and I'm here. For both of us. Having to deal with my parents shit. He left me here. He wrote in his letter to me... "I'm just done". I get it. I really get it.

I don't hate him for doing it. It's his choice. He lived his life his way, and he went his way. And I respect that's what's he wanted. It's selfish but it's his life. Doesn't mean it hurts less.

Fucking people taking life for granted. fuck everyone