It's been almost a month since I lost my dear friend. Not having seen them in a long time before doesn't help, but the bond was always there.

I've found myself struggling with those around me, I don't enjoy their conversations and when we do talk, all I want to talk about is him. They don't complain and most of the time they are lovely and will talk with me, but I can feel them getting tired of it.

I'm not interested in going out, I don't want to drink or go to bars, I don't want to talk about TV shows or music, i dont enjoy most of the things i did before. I almost want to sit with the pain. I feel as if my eyes have been forced open and I see the world in a completely new light, for better or for worse.

Those around me who haven't been affected carry on as they were, because of course they do, I would too if it hadn't affected me. I find myself getting annoyed with them over almost nothing. I'm currently in university which I'm just trying to stay focused on, however difficult it might be. But when I am hearing people laugh and enjoy themselves around me, it angers or upsets me.

It's like everyone is happy and getting on with life, and I'm just pretending. I know it's not the case, not everyone is happy, but I can't shift my mindset.

I'm sick of the mundane of the day to day. I need to find meaning in it, otherwise I don't know how to cope.

It would be really helpful if someone could tell me something productive and meaningful that they do after losing a loved one to suicide?