It’s been 52 days since my partner left. It had been a long struggle. Even asking him parents and friends for help, daily outreach and multiple attempts at inpatient, we lost the battle.

His parents and family blamed me directly and over social media. The sister said she would have me escorted out by police if I attended the service. They came to my home and took anything or monetary value. I then planned my own service where we lived, which is far from his family and his hometown. My friend started to go fund me to help pay for the memorial which the family reported as fraudulent and outwardly posted on Facebook that I was taking advantage of his death for monetary gain.

I have gone no contact with him and it has been much easier to grieve my partner after ceasing communication with his family. It’s been a long time coming lots of planning, but the service is finally happening tomorrow. There are tons of people coming into town and I am used to being a hermit and rotting on the couch with our dog .

It’s so scary to have people coming into town and the service actually happening it makes him feel actually gone. I don’t want it to feel like he’s actually gone, but I just wanna honor him in anyway I can.

I miss him so much, but I’m also angry with him. I just wish she could see this incredible service that is planned in his honor. There’s a mountaintop portion and a hockey game portion. He would love every single minute of it just like every single minute of our lives together.

This shit sucks.