I am a female 23, 2 months postpartum from my third child. (5th pregnancy). And currently pregnant with my 4th (but this will eventually end in termination unfortunately). As long as I can remember, I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts, actions etc. as I got older, I thought I was getting better but adult life started to hit harder and I realize, I’m closer to my death than anyone realizes. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years, married 1. Have 3 beautiful kids ages 3y, 2y and 2m. You would think I’m loving life as it is. But instead, I’m struggling everyday to not end it all. Everyday I have thoughts of hanging myself when everyone in my home is asleep. Usually I wait until they’re all asleep but that’s honestly hard to do when my husband goes out every night, drinks with his “friend” and comes home late to the point I’m too tired to even go through with my plan. As my days go on though, I find myself hiding out in the bathroom staring blankly into the extension cord plugged into my outlet looking at it as my way out. I feel worthless. Ugly. Unloved. Neglected. Just everything under the sun. I’ve tried multiple times to get help, and nothing seems to work. I was JUST released from the hospital after having suicidal thoughts and I honestly feel that was a huge mistake.. I am making plans to end my life and I’m so sad because I don’t want to leave my children. But I’m tired of living like this. I want to be at peace.