So I’ve known my SD for ~2 years now. He’s married, but says he hasn’t slept in the same room with his wife for 10 years and no emotional connection (think we’ve all heard this story lol). We’ve always agreed to XXXX ppm and we used to see each other 4x/month or less if our schedules are busy. We take vacations here and there and I will usually ask for an expensive gift instead of cash because he was never fond of discussing $$$ in the relationship…….

TBH he’s one of the more stingy SDs I’ve had. He compensates me as agreed, but nothing more and have sometimes not given me as much as I expected. He’s in his early 40s, pretty cute, we have good emotional connection, and I enjoy hanging out and having sex with him so I let it slide sometimes.

I’m in grad school, and my school work and schedule has been stressful this year so it’s hard for me at the moment to go on dates and find new POTs. Also, I personally feel a bit self conscious since I’ve gained 5lbs from stress which contributes to my lack of motivation to go on new dates, but I’ve recently incorporated healthier habits and the weight is coming off. 😮‍💨 This past month, my SD recently asked me to move into this apartment he got in a nice area of town that’s closer to my school.

He claims he’s really into me, cares about me, and wants me to be his gf. I know his marriage situation, and I do believe that his wife and him don’t really have much of a relationship aside from her taking care of the kids. He goes back “home” maybe once a month for a week. Otherwise he’s either with me or checking on his business in various cities. I agreed to try it out and we’ve been furniture/apartment shopping and he even booked out our vacation for after my finals. He’s taken care of everything while he’s with me and definitely treats me well.

BUT, this past month he hasn’t given me any type of allowance. I don’t stay with him everyday since I’m still in the process of moving in. Also I’ve let him know I will probably be going back and forth between the apartment and my parents house since most of my things are still at home and I’m not comfortable living at the apartment 24/7 as of now. He’s understanding and has said that it’s “our apartment” so I’m free to come and go. He put my name under the apartment lease too so I have full access.

I just asked him to set me up with a credit card “for everyday expenses and necessities” because I know our relationship situation has changed, and he doesn’t like me asking him directly for cash. He’s always saying “let me handle it” or “I don’t like it when you ask because it feels transactional” 🙄 Like bruh, if I don’t ask, I feel like he would just not give me any money. Anyways, he opened a new account at the bank and is getting a debit card for me. He doesn’t like to talk $$$ so when I asked about more details and whether I need to go in to get my name on the card, he says “don’t worry I’ll take care of it”. I don’t know how much he’ll put on the debit card, and I kinda already feel shorted for all the time we spent together uncompensated. At the same time I’m conflicted because I also know I agreed to try out the “gf” thing but also let him know I still have bills and tuition to pay. I wish he would take more initiative and be more generous so I wouldn’t have to bring up $$$ because I still want to feel financially secure and not taken advantage of.

I told him going into a bf/gf relationship takes time and effort, and I can’t guarantee how our relationship is going to end up. Also like dude you’re still married so……

Do you think this is a fair transition for an arrangement or am I being taken advantage of? Idk if I’m being ungrateful but at the same time I know I could be getting more money with PPM…. How much would be a fair monthly allowance for him to put into the account?

Advice would be much appreciated 🙏🏻