Hello people, I (m21) am a sub who has known I was submissive for many years but only this year started getting serious about finding someone to submit to. I was recommended this subreddit recently and have been having a blast educating myself on things like subspace, subdrop and subfrenzy. And I can tell you I'm currently experiencing a mix of depression, anxeity and subfrenzy and it's really really not a fun time.

So, I'm looking for a longterm relationship with a female domme and I generally find that some of these people tend to rule out subs that are inexperienced because they find that we tend to kink dispense. But I'm not looking to just knock a few things off my kink bucket list, I really am looking for a long term FLR. I'm a virgin and have never submitted to anyone before and it also feels like being this young is a really hard age to enter any dynamic.

I also have a stutter and fear that no one will want me as their sub because I can't dirty talk as well or communicate as well and stuff like that. I have posted personals where I mentioned my stutter and gotten replies from dommes saying they have an articulate dirty talking kink - I still can't figure out if they just didn't read my add or if they just wanted to be cruel.

I have found though that realizing my submission more recently has led me to further want to improve myself, like I've been doing more cardio, fasting and healthy cooking.

But the sub frenzy is real. I sometimes lay at night trying to fall asleep and just the mere thought of being big spooned, being called a good boy and feel loved is enough to make me tear up because I find it so hard to find someone. Out of the 20 replies I have gotten from personals only 2 have become actual connections but they both ended the same way. (the 18 were scammers) We talk and really bond for a few days, exchange kinks and scenarios, click on non kink terms, and eventually agree that we'd like to meet up. Then I get ghosted. And it took me weeks to recover from both of those short chats because when I get ghosted I have no idea what I did wrong, and I would much rather just be told it so I can improve for the next time I chat. But honestly I think I'm pretty respectful when talking to a new domme, so I really have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I don't use titles or honorifics because we're not in a dynamic, I keep things non-kink until she consents to want to talk about that stuff, and I think of myself as a pretty good talker through chat who initiates, responds, listens, jokes and doesn't just use one sentence replies.

I am going to my first munch this week and I know that I'm not with the purpose of finding a date, I'm going to expand my network and to educate myself and make friends.

Rant over. I teared up writing this so I'm sorry if it came off as whiny or hard to read, and English also isn't my first language. Any advice or tips are welcome here :)