Almost a week ago, I safeworded and suspended our M/s dynamic until further notice. I didn't break up with him, but this huge part of our relationship has been set aside. He and I have almost always had an M/s component to our relationship. The only time we haven't is during the vetting and negotiation phases, which didn't last all that long.

He's got some sort of acute illness going on, so we haven't been able to sit down and talk yet. I've tried talking with my therapist about it, but she doesn't quite understand the gravity of this decision. So I came here, hoping some of you may understand.

I think the part I'm struggling with the most is that I don't feel like my reasons are "good enough" to make such a blow to our relationship. They aren't earth shattering, relationship ending things. I still trust him, I still deeply want to be with him, and I still want to return to the dynamic in the future. It feels like I'm letting both of us down, and like I'm exhibiting distrust in his leadership. I'm not going into my reasons - which all have to do with the vanilla and non-sexual sides of our relationship - because I truly believe that any reasons that either partner has for calling the safeword are perfectly good enough..... i just can't accept that also applies to me because, clearly, I should be a good girl and exhibit blind faith in Master. 🫠 help