Hi~ I hope you don't mind reading my rant.

These past few days, I’ve been so out of it that I don’t even know what day it is. Yesterday, I decided to cut all communication with a guy I thought was good for me, but in the end, we weren’t heading toward a safe place. We had been talking for almost a month. At first, everything seemed fine; our kinks aligned, and we were looking for more or less the same thing. I’m someone who takes things slowly because of bad experiences in the past. I communicated this to him, and he agreed that it was best to take things step by step, especially since I have no real experience in BDSM.

The problem started last week. Suddenly, he began talking about things I was doing in our local community forum (like the photos I posted and the way I interacted with others) He said something like, “I couldn’t be with someone like you because I’m looking for a partner who doesn’t do those things.” Honestly, I thought we’d stop talking after that because he said my behavior (which he considered “flirty”) didn’t sit well with him. We argued about my "exhibitionism" but we didn’t stop talking. I asked him why, and he said that we could end things if I wanted to, but it all depended on how interested I was in him. That if I was interested, I would show it to him. That was our first argument, and I started feeling uncomfortable with him. I understood where his concerns were coming from, but at the same time, I felt pressured. We were okay after that but he started asking for nudes which was crazy cuz he said he wasn't "that kind of guy".

Then came the second argument, over something so trivial I can barely remember it. I said something, and he found it disrespectful. He expressed it in a very rude way, saying again that those were “his limits” and that if anyone else had said what I did, he would have cut them off already. And that if I was interested in him, I had to make up for it. These arguments started triggering old memories, and I began to feel disheartened. I tend to fall into depressive or anxiety episodes quite easily, and this was starting to take me there. So, I asked him if we could have a serious talk. I told him how I felt and explained that we couldn’t go on like this, that I wasn’t feeling comfortable or heard. Everything was resolved... for two days.

Two days later, he got upset about something else (!) this happened just yesterday. I was already drained, so I didn’t even want to argue. I told him we should stop talking, and he started again, saying he would leave if I wanted, but that if I was interested in him, I should “adjust” because this isn’t how you get to know someone. I told him I’d already lost interest. That I didn’t see him as someone who could be my Dom anymore because I didn’t feel heard and felt judged all the time.

And that’s when he said things that made me feel awful. He said I didn’t understand the scene, that I wasn’t going to meet anyone this way because I had a “spoiled princess” attitude and no one would want to deal with me. He also said I didn’t know much about how to be a sub and that he doubted “this world” was for me. He ended it with, “Good luck finding your fantasy relationship,” and we haven’t spoken since.

I’ve felt terrible since yesterday. I know I did the right thing, but I can’t help feeling bad about his words. I don’t know if he’s right, but right now, it feels like he is...

I know I'm not asking for too much. To feel safe, protected, to trust someone else and to know that they are interested in me and like me as a person. I mean, what everyone want, right?

Anyway, thank you for reading my rant if you did.

Edit: I remember the second argument. It all started because I made a joke and he took it the wrong way and said I was calling him a liar. I explained to him that I wasn't and he continued the argument by "explaining" the kind of person he was and how if a man made that kind of "jokes" he'd "rip his head off"