I am struggling with anxiety and shame as a submissive. I am back in a dynamic after being without an owner for approximately a year. My Miss is wonderful. We had a great vetting process and she always checks on me to see how I am feeling about things and encourages me to use my safe word when needed. She respects my limits while pushing me to try new things and be the best submissive I can be. When I am feeling anxious or shame she recommends *not orders* that I go lay in bed under my weighted blanket, which helps. Sometimes I'll try to play a video game or watch tv when I'm feeling anxious and if it's really bad, I have something I can take that will help me calm down. Journaling also helps.

Shame

I am not very confident in myself as a submissive, it has gotten better since entering my dynamic with Miss. Sometimes after a task, typically an intense or degrading task, I will feel shame and embarrassment for completing the task and enjoying it. For example, after an intense task that required me to drink pee for Miss (which is a kink of mine), I started to feel shame and guilt for what I did and the fact that I enjoyed it. Thoughts in my head are "why did you do this?" "This is wrong and gross." Miss has been very encouraging. She tells me that I did a good job and I am allowed to enjoy and indulge in my kinks and interest.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a much bigger challenge. I psych myself out over task that haven't been assigned. Or when I am given an intense task I get stressed out and anxious. Miss is always supportive and encouraging when I feel this way. She gives me little things to help the intense task be a little bit easier.

Yesterday we talked about some hypotheticals of me giving Miss control over my food and her doing some mean things to it. Think using whipped cream instead of sour cream for tacos or microwaving a steak for 90 seconds after cooking it. I like the idea of giving her that amount of control, but it's not something I'm prepared to do. The intensity and what I'm giving up would mess with my mental state. A few hours after we fantasized about it, I started feeling very overwhelmed and panicked. As I write this I can feel my heart rate elevate. I wound up in bed under my weighted blanket watching tv until I calmed down.

On Thursday I got anxious and overwhelmed when she assigned me an intense task that wound up being much easier than I thought. The task itself went great and I was proud of myself for completing it. I felt silly and guilty for being anxious and stressed out over the task. How can I prevent myself from getting anxious and overwhelmed during a session or about task that haven't happened?