ive been reflecting a lot lately on what being submission means for me, and one big realization if come to the conclusion to is that my pleasure matters too. just because im submissive doesn’t mean my needs have to take a back burner or be less important. i’ve learned that prioritizing my pleasure doesn’t make me “less submissive” or a “bad sub.” it just means that i’m finding a dynamic that works for me

i’ve noticed a lot of people in the bdsm community saying things like, “as a sub, your dom’s pleasure should always comes first,” or that “my pleasure doesn’t matter as much as his” and while that can be empowering for some, it’s never really sat right with me personally. i’d see those statements and feel this icky and uneasy feeling. i don’t want to put my pleasure lower. i want our pleasure to feel equal and mutual! where both of us are fulfilled and happy. im their prized possession and they are mine.

that realization i had around a year ago led me to discover soft bdsm and now the r/softerbdsm subreddit and honestly, it’s been such a great thing to knows others feel similarly as me. soft bdsm focuses on a dynamic that feels gentler and more balanced, where care, connection, and mutual pleasure are the main aspects. for the first time, i feel like i can truly relate to bdsm.

submission doesn’t have to mean sacrificing my own needs. it can mean prioritizing connection, trust, and the things that make both of us feel good.

if you’ve ever felt this disconnect like me where you want your pleasure to also be a priority but feel at odds with some of the general bdsm community’s sentiments around submission, i encourage you to look into softer bdsm!! maybe you’ll find your place and your style there, just like i did. it’s helped me embrace my version of submission without guilt. i know now that i can be a submissive who values her pleasure just as much as her dom’s, and that doesn’t make me any less of a submissive, not even in the slightest

to anyone who’s struggled with these feelings: your dynamic is valid, whatever that looks like. prioritizing your pleasure doesn’t mean you’re doing submission “wrong.” it just means you’re finding what works for you both