Sorry in advance for the messy post, Im still wrapping my head around all of this.

My Dom and I have been in a dynamic for about two months, seeing each other for four and the other day he told me he will be getting a new play partner and it’s almost for sure going to develop into a dynamic. We never agreed to be in a monogamous dynamic, though we never discussed it further.

The person is super cool and they are a really good match but I’m just really struggling dealing with all of it. My Dom is already married and has been with his husband for almost a decade and I have never had any issues with jealousy or anxiety about that. But I’m feeling like shit because of this. I feel like I’m being replaced even though he assured me I’m not. He said there’s just needs he has that can’t be fulfilled by me as I’m a guy and the new partner is fem. I also don’t like to kiss on the mouth and that’s something that he really likes.

We are in a Daddy/boy and a Owner/puppy dynamic and I told him that I’m not super comfortable with someone else calling him Daddy but the other person and him aren’t okay with that or having others dictate what happens in their dynamic which I get so I took it back.

Being in an open dynamic isn’t negotiable to him so either I deal with it or break up but I don’t want to break up. I really like him and I think we align well.

He is also much more versed in the lifestyle than me and it was so hard finding someone who aligns with my kinks, doesn’t fetishize me for being a trans guy, and will go out to events with me. Which I have severe social anxiety and can’t go to most events myself so it has really helped me get in the scene. But the new person and him go there too so if we do split up, I don’t have a place anymore. He also gave me my scene name which is very much attached to him.

I’ve reached out to a new therapist who is kink informed to try and see if they have openings but I’m just feelings so shitty.

It keeps coming in waves. We talked more and I felt better and told him I want to take him on a date but now I’m feeling shitty again.

I’ve communicated this all with him and the person knows I’m struggling too and did pull back a bit especially with the daddy thing but I told them that I don’t want them to pull back on my account and that it was fine. I know I was in the wrong for asking that and I’m still iffy about it but that’s my own problem and I would feel so beyond guilty if I got in the middle of their new relationship. They’re a really good match and she’s his exact type and I’m not even though he thinks I’m cute. But they have so much in common and we don’t have as much and I’m in a place in my life where I just don’t have much going for me and I’m insecure about that to be honest. I’m worried he’s going to stop wanting to spend time with me.

It’s just that he never asked me about them seeing eachother, he just told me. Which I was mad at him about and he apologized. And then today I was spiriting a bit just with somewhat related mental health issues and insecurities and was worried I was going to hurt myself (I’m fine now) and then he told me to be safe and he was going to be busy for awhile and went to see a movie with the new person which he never told me he had planned a date with them. I asked him why he hid it later and he told me he didn’t want to make me more upset and that he was still feeling weird from earlier. Which he doesn’t have to tell me anything he’s doing but it feels weird that he hid it from me.

I understand my mental health isn’t his job and maybe I’m crazy for thinking this but I’m a bit hurt he didn’t try a little harder to make sure I was going to be okay and instead just told me to be safe and went behind my back to go see a movie with someone. Like I didn’t want him to cancel plans or anything but he left me completely alone (this was over text but still) and didn’t tell me where he was going to be, just that he would be busy.

He also told me that he’s worried I got too attached to him which I guess I am attached but he’s always reassured me that he doesn’t mind it so it was just really hurtful even if he didn’t mean it like that.

I don’t want to lose him but he’s not compromising on literally anything and it feels like I’m stuck. I’ve been just caving to everything and I feel like I’m just in the wrong about everything. I don’t want to lose him, I really like him and he says he likes me too and cares for me and doesn’t want me to leave but I don’t know. I just want to feel like a priority for once in my life and I feel like giving up on that. I rarely ever see people in the community in monogamous (or in this case monogamous-ish cause he has a husband) and I didn’t expect it to be monogamous but it’s also just happening out of nowhere. He has never shown interest in anyone else before and now it’s all just happening. I feel like I’m not enough but I know that’s just my brain and there’s things I can’t do for him that he is getting elsewhere and that is his choice. But I feel stuck.

I am finally going places and meeting people and it’s because of him. And I love him and he is a blunt person and doesn’t just say things and he says he loves me too. But I don’t feel loved right now. But I’ve already made enough waves and I don’t want to lose him. I’ve told him most of this besides the being hurt he left when I was worried I would hurt myself and that I feel stuck because if I’m not okay with it he’s gonna break up with me or I break up with him. I don’t want to come across as too needy or controlling if I tell him that I’m kinda upset he didn’t try to make sure I was safe and okay or even ask me if I needed anything. That’s the first thing I always ask if he’s not doing good and it just hurts. I realize I’m putting him in a hard situation and I feel bad about it but I was trying to be honest and not bottle up feelings. Just to be clear, the relationship is not like this usually.

The only way that I’m able to stay with him is that I’m okay with it so I’m just trying to make myself okay with it. But I’m not feeling okay.

Sorry for the long rambly post. This is the first time I’m posting on here and it’s such a mess sorry. I have no irl friends in the community especially any subs so I’m just feelings really alone and I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t want to end it but I don’t know what to do.