Hey all!

I’m posting via a throwaway account.

I’ve been chatting on and off with a “Dom”, I put it in parentheses because their behavior is questionable and idk if this is common Dom behavior.

When I first started chatting with them, there was an instant spark. Commonalities between dynamic needs, politics, social, economic issues, etc…

However they recently dropped the bomb on me that they’re married. Because we’d been chatting for so long and I like to give people the benefit of a doubt, I immediately asked if their partner knew. They said “no.” I then asked why they’re looking for satisfaction outside of their marriage. The reasons given somewhat blew my mind and I’m wondering if this is a common occurrence in the D/s dynamic and community. Their explanations essentially were:

• My partner doesn’t have it in them to be sub
• I need an outlet for my Dom energy because I get overly aggressive and rude with my partner if I don’t
• I won’t change my home situation (didn’t dive into or ask why)
• They’ve tried to open their marriage and it “didn’t work”

I’m ashamed to say I continued communicating with them, until recently, because I genuinely enjoy our conversations. I made it clear if the home situation changes, ENM preferred, I would be open to meet. But again the shame of chatting with a married person after I found out is still there.

Are married Doms common, in particular, married/cheating Doms? If so, I feel a bit defeated. I was cheated on while married and I don’t want to do that to anyone else.