BDSM. I want a soft but firm dom but I’m too nervous to actually do it. Like being on a leash collar. Btw has anyone seen the Babygirl trailer with Nicole Kidman in it? Omg looks amazing. But anyways, ya I wanna try it but I’m scared I’ll get murdered or something.

I hear a lot of stories on the news about men choking women out resulting in death. I’ve been though a lot of crazy things in my life, trigger warning* violence, rape, child abuse*

So I’m just paranoid if I do BDSM it will end badly. With me on the receiving end especially as a woman. Just with all the violence against women in society from men it makes me scared.

I wanna be handcuffed, blindfolded. But I’m worried that something could seriously go wrong and I couldn’t move. Just goes back to trying the find the right guy which seems almost impossible. I also am a mom so I have responsibilities in my life and they can’t lose me as a mom. It would be devastating. So I’m just taking extra steps.

Now I have another “kink” called age regression. Omg I seriously love it. Mine is non sexual. I do it a lot by myself and the mental high I get from it is so amazing. But I notice after I do it I have a come down period where I have to deep breathe. I guess sub drop? Idk I’m researching all this on my own online. I’ve tried to find a dom in age regression which is a “daddy or caregiver” it’s been horrifying. So I’m just on my own with both of my “kinks”. It’s very hard.

It’s been so bad finding a daddy online, let alone in real life. I can’t find it in niche areas, in person I haven’t been brave enough to ask anyone. So I assume the age regression is some form of bdsm with how it’s making me feel? If I do it with a guy, I wanna keep both kinks separate. I don’t want them to over lap. I know age regression is not a kink? What should I call it then? Any input on any of this? Thank you