Why does it have to be so damn easy to catch feelings in BDSM dynamics?

I only knew this Dom a month or so. We were only briefly in a dynamic (online) before he decided my current circumstances weren’t conducive to what he wanted and needed. I very much understood and agreed.

We went our separate ways.

To try and remedy my hurt I posted a personal ad on a subreddit. He saw it and got back in touch with me to check on me (he saw it was downvoted and was worried about me?)

I thought it was really sweet. We’ve been talking since. We even had this moment of him taking on a Dom position and making simple commands to which I eagerly complied.

After I felt confused. I still do.

Then today I notice he put up his personal ad again. I’m not mad, I did the same. I get it.

But my HEART hurts. As silly as it might sound I developed feelings in such a short amount of time. I can’t stop crying. I want so badly for him to be happy but I selfishly want him to be happy with me. I want to be what he needs and wants.

I guess I just needed to vent. No one in my vanilla life would understand the intricacies of these types of relationships. I don’t even understand. I don’t understand how so quickly I could fall and become a mess. I’m judging myself so hard and I’m just so sad. 😞