Hello ! I do not know how Reddit works so sorry if I did something wrong in posting this.

So first of all I think it is maybe important to know that I am very stresses and scared of posting this and asking for help.

Basically, I "discovered" that I was submissive a little while ago, but that idea never looked nice to me. When I am into the action, I really like being submissive and all, but right after it's finished, I feel a strong feeling of disgust. I like realize what I have done and I start hating it and that strange feeling of wanting to vomit comes. I feel like I find it horrible, disgusting and that I hate the idea of being submissive to someone, even somebody I really love and trust. I am a boy, and I feel like I shouldn't be doing this as a boy. I start to think that if I am submissive I am not a man anymore. I feel like everyone around me will know it and only think of me as me liking being submissive. All of that make me end up hating on me for liking being submissive, hating on subs and doms, hating on people who like bdsm and hating on gays, even though I am gay. This thought of me being submissive really disturbs me at a point where I sometimes want to hit my head on the wall for example.

So yes basically I like being submissive while doing it but when it's stop I start hating on me, hitting myself, wanting to vomit and hating on more and thinking wrong of me.

So yes I was wondering how I could stop liking being submissive or stop hating being submissive.

Thanks and sorry for my poor English !