I genuinely cannot comprehend my emotional state.

For context I am pretty new to BDSM and have never had a Daddy or a Dom before, never submitted either but have done lots of research on the topic and felt ready to try! Met a guy online, we're both looking for the same type of dynamic (mono, long term, paternal without age play, etc..) he's super kind, easy to talk to and honnestly, green flags all around. We meet up, have a few drinks and agreed to enter a dynamic while drunk... (first mistake) 🤦‍♀️ but when I called him Daddy for the first time... it simply felt amazing, I was on a cloud, I've never felt soo complete in my life before, submitting to him felt like a second nature. We negotiated a sleep schedule for me and the day it was set to begin I sensed that he seemed somewhat...off..via txt that morning, I asked him if he was still okay with the dynamic and he said yes but then also added a detail that hadn't been discussed yet. No Relationship/Romance was to be allowed down the road.. I've done enough research to know that I really don't Identify with the type of person who could have a dynamic without some other kind of emotional involvement, so I told him and that and...we broke off the dynamic...

I felt devastated, despondent & cried all week...I honnest to god don't understand why? I cant be in love with him, I barely know him! He's a great guy and we both wanna stay friends or even fuck friends but I just feel soo...heart broken everytime I think of him. Why does the pain feel like a bad break up but I didn't even date the guy?

Asking for a me! any advice or input is welcomed you kind souls! ❤️