I don't know what has happened the last few days. But there were so many messages from submissives telling they were ghosted, left by their Dominant, or still feel so attached to their ex-Dominant.

To all of you, my deepest sympathy; you deserve better than being ghosted or left alone. And this is very likely not your problem at all. Mostly, it's coming from the Dom's. From what I have seen or what I have gone through myself, those are the points that happen the most.

• They are overwhelmed.
• They realized having a submissive takes more time than planned
• They are in a relationship and cheat with you, but you don't know
• They want to get their horniness away (mostly men) and abuse your gift. The submission, because they can easily get photos and stuff about you.
• A sudden dramatic turnaround in their life with family, a loss of a job, or a financial issue.
• They are scammers and were out for money

An online relationship is tricky, and as a submissive, you are easily scammed or tricked, don't get me wrong, there are absolutely beautiful relationships that are online only. And I have friends who have LDR in online only D/s dynamics.

It is possible. It is absolutely possible to find an amazing Dominant online, whether it be a romantic or unromantic relationship. In an online relationship, it is so important to vet the Dominant, to vet who they are.

Simple questions like

• What do you do for work?
• How old are you?
• Can I see your ID, passport, or some sort of verification?
• Tell me about your relationships
• Why are you interested in a D/s relationship
• What are your base principles as a Dom
• What are your limits/dealbreakers/kinks?
• What are some common misconceptions about the dom/sub lifestyle?
• etc.

At the end, it is up to you what you want to know and what not. I like to know lots of information about people to know I am safe with the person, but this is up to you in the end.

But there are also red flags to look out for. Red flags that might not be obvious but are red flags!

• Does ignore your safeword/ or says safewords are not neseccary
• Demands a session of you without a safe word to have your trust
• Demands you wear a collar after a week
• Says you're theirs after the first session
• Demands a session after the frist talk
• Neglects you and makes you responsible for them neglecting you.
• Tells you sorry, he won't do it again, and leaves you for 2 days again.
• Uses fear instead respect to gain your submission
• Tells you he loves you but runs away right after; has vague communication
• Demands you to search for other submissives to play
• Demands you to ask the community for punishments.
• wants you all the time and is angry at you when you have other stuff to do
• Ignores your needs and prefers his wants.
• Pushes your limits and dealbreakers
• Ignores aftercare/says it's not important

There is more to add to that list, but I have encountered a few of them.

Now bad attachment after a Dominant left you

Mostly, it is connected to subfrenzy or feelings your heart has captured. Most predatory Dominants or wannabe Dominants are very smart and wrap you around their finger so smartly that you don't really notice how wrong or false it is. They lead you into a state of mind where your submissive does everything to please him, and you will send photos, and only afterward will you realize what you have sent. (All of this happened to me)

It is important when friends tell you to look out, or even strangers tell you something is wrong, that you should listen. I am in a chat where a submissive openly talked about how her Dom was asking her for the first session to not have a safe word that he knew how to break her. And she was willing.

Being attached to your Dom that way is anything else than good and the whole chat was telling her to stop that relationship.

We as submissives deserve love and attention and are not "throw-away" people, only because we offer our gift; it is not a gift free to talk, and sadly, lots of submissives starve to share that gift.

We submissives have a will in us to please, to feel cherished for our submission, and we are starving if we're not able to share this immensely huge gift with someone.

To have a strong attachment to a Dominant is really easy; think of it as such; we trust the person to whom you submit. We trust the person so deeply that it is way easier to fall emotionally into a deeper lever with a Dominant than in a vanilla relationship because the connection is so much deeper.

Falling into an emotional dependency is way easier since a submissive craves the Dominant energy, and when it is fulfilling, the submissive is thriving. Submissive energy has its own complementary energy, the Dominant energy. This energy makes us fall into a deeper state of our mind, and our emotions are easily shown. We fall easier since we are fulfilled.

Predators can easily abuse it, because we're willing to make our opposite happy and fulfilled, and we are open to sharing a side of us that isn't shown to normal people. Wanna-be Dom's talk to your submissive side, and it makes us emotionally way more available.

So emotional attachment comes with showing our submissive side, but a lot of people can abuse it because when we don't vet properly, our submissive is swayed away instantly. Vetting is important, and try to stay reasonable.

Education can help us a lot in that case to know what is good and bad. But there can always be red flags wrapped in a green flag, so we have to be aware.

Lots of love to all of you out there, and stay safe.