I want to talk about the concept of pharmakon. It’s the origin of the word pharmacy, and it’s what the ancient Greeks used to describe something that could heal you in small doses, but kill you in large ones. You see, when I first learned about this term, I couldn’t help but think of kink. (My mind is rather dirty these days.) For me, BDSM has allowed me to grow in exceptional ways- making me more comfortable with my sexuality, my body, and my desires as I grow into my womanhood. However, I caught myself using it as escapism in the highest form over the past month. Almost like a way to detach from my own life and responsibilities. I luckily noticed it well enough in advance that I was able to bounce back rather quickly. But, even though I doubt anyone is wondering this, I just want to explain that that’s the reason why I’ve taken a break from posting personals. I’ll get back out there, but for now, I think I need to focus on myself. I’ll stick to strictly fantasy, for the time being. My future partner doesn’t deserve version of myself that’s actively ignoring the life I am extremely lucky to have.

Anyway, back to my original point. For me, I don’t think my personal pharmakon is lethal in large doses. I truly believe that when I’m confident enough in myself, have my life together, and find someone I am fully compatible with, I’ll be very fulfilled in a 24/7 dynamic. However, I also believe that it will hurt me if I continue down the sub-frenzy path of destruction, where I’m setting my own limits aside just to feel the rush of being called a “good girl.” I can’t let that happen again. To me, this lifestyle is so precious that I need to explore it with someone truly worthy- and I need to make sure I’m worthy of it myself.