Not sure how to start this but here goes.

I've been stuttering for as long as I can remember. I'm 25, and it was a huge thing for me. I got a lot better at working around my stutter through work as a barista and working the telephone at a restaurant (around 20-21 years old). A lot of people tell me it's completely vanished and sometimes I forget I stutter too, but today I've been thinking about how stuttering affects our emotional processing.

When I talk about something I'm very passionate about I noticed my eyes feel watery, even if I'm not stuttering. It doesn't mean I'm going to cry, it just happens. Or if I'm not feeling anything at the moment, it's very difficult to make conversation with friends. Or when something very emotional happens to me, I need to curl up and lay down for a minute. If I'm talking to a crush and we're getting along, I find myself tied up by emotions and struggling to explain how I feel (be it bad or good emotions, it's very difficult). I can make idle chit chat all day, but when I get into a heated discussion with a girlfriend or coworker or teacher, I've noticed I generally don't have words or feelings for what we're talking about. I need to go sit down and think about what they've said and how I feel about it. Or, when I do have feelings and words coming up during a heated discussion, they're never really what I want to say. Even if I'm not stuttering, I find myself word vomiting things that, according to them, don't make much sense.

To parallel my experiences, I've seen my dad do the same thing. He used to stutter as well but he currently works a position where he spends all day talking to clients (not just in a store, but getting coffee with them and taking calls at all hours of the day), but in a heated discussion he can never seem to find the right words. Usually, he feels very different about the things he's said afterwards. I've also seen him cry much more than my mom.

I'm unsure if this might be a case of "like father, like son" so I was wondering if anyone whose progressed around their stuttering feels or experiences the same things.