(TW: Depression/suicidal ideation)

Not update because I expect y’all to be on the edge of your seat for my post, but just because I feel like it’s important information to share haha. A couple days ago I made a post asking if anyone had experienced it and all, since then I quit.

Long story short: I was going to dose down first, but due to unfortunate circumstances I was left with the choice to either up to 60mg or quit cold turkey from 40mg. I chose the latter because I literally couldn’t take it anymore and waiting wasn’t an option.

On day 5 now, already big progress in how I’m doing mentally. I feel a bit of a rush and racing thoughts, but I no longer feel so tired of life. I felt a huge improvement in mood the literal day after I quit. I’ve somewhat picked up my hobbies and my activism again and I actually !enjoyed! my evening yesterday.

The information that ATX doesn’t cause withdrawal symptoms is a lie, though, and it blows my mind that professionals even say this to begin with. They know very well ATX is an SNRI and if you have to build up dosage, of course you have to dose down too.

Anyway, my stomach feels like Chernobyl, I have hot and cold flashes, I’m a little restless, I’m nauseous, I feel very tired and I look paler than usual. My jaws are tense and my muscles are a bit achy because it feels like they’re experiencing relief at last. It doesn’t all have me fully bedridden, but I don’t exactly feel great. I’m coming down from 40mg, so if you have a higher dose this could be worse.

Worth it, though. Going from fully wanting to die and being in actual crisis to feeling somewhat content in only DAYS is a night and day difference.

This is not scientific, just my train of thought: since ATX also affects serotonin, and I didn’t have depression prior, I wonder if that could be why I (and some others, but far from everyone on the med) had such a bad reaction to it. My theory would be that since my serotonin probably was mostly fine and ATX also majorly affects it, it dysregulated a well working process. Maybe not, I could be way off; just been thinking about why ATX seems like such a hit or miss and works absolutely fantastic for others.

Which is also why this is not a message to discourage everyone from trying it. I’ve heard great things from those it does work for. It could greatly improve things for you!

I just wanted to put my experience out there for those who try it and feel depressive symptoms coming up, or those considering. The depression could be ATX and it turned really bad for me. It can happen so just keep an eye out.

Withdrawal sickness can happen too and I would suspect it’s the rule rather than the exception. I just feel like psychs should be more upfront with the severity of the possible side effect of symptoms of literal clinical depression and the withdrawal symptoms too, because they glossed over everything with me and I’m not thrilled about it, lol.