Hello friends,

I want to start this off with a disclaimer that there are different types of medication for a reason - not every substance works for every person. Please don’t let this post scare you out of trying Strattera/atomoxetine if your psych thinks it’s a good fit for you. :)

Also, a trigger warning for talk about suicidal ideation.

I’ll just refer to atomoxetine as A now.

Long story short: I’m on about my sixth week of A, started with 25mg, then built it up to 40mg, now I’m on 60mg. I realize it takes about a month to 8 weeks to reach full effect. In the meantime I still use stimulants until it works.

… If it ever does. I still feel the same without stimulants, or at least a noticeable decrease in mood with the same irritability and ‘empty’ feeling as I have without them. And no, I’m not an addict in withdrawal lol, it’s the same feeling I had before I had medication. It’s the unmedicated ‘feeling’.

I’m no stranger to depression, but I’m currently having a big fat episode with big fat suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t ring instant alarmbells because I’ve had episodes before for different reasons.

But it’s a little suspicious to me that it comes crashing over me at the same time I’m starting A. I first thought it was winter depression, which I notice every year but definitely doesn’t necessarily make me full on suicidal. I bought a light therapy lamp by my psychologists advice, and I notice it feels good for my body. I’ve been using it for a few weeks now and it should’ve brought improvement if it was ‘just’ SAD. Like I said, it feels good on my body, I feel a ‘lift’, but there is something else going on inside of me that prevents me from shaking off this depression.

I thought it was burnout. I thought it was autistic burnout. I now seriously suspect A to be the cause.

My psychiatrist (of course) is on vacation currently, but I’m going to call my psychologist tomorrow and ask for an appointment with him and maybe a different psychiatrist asap because I want to dose down and stop to see if it really is A. Because I’m going down an undesirable path here, lol. I’m chainsmoking to not do more harmful things and I’ll hold out, so please don’t worry too much, but it’s not going well.

My question would be: has anyone gone through the same?

I am NOT asking for advice on how to quit or whatever, I’m asking my psychs for that, I’d just like to hear other people’s experiences because I don’t know anyone else on A.