Bottom surgery is in 90 days.

I met the one 12 years ago and he broke up with me 8 years ago. We've been orbiting each other since.

We've disappointed each other (him, self-admittedly, more than).

But he just told me last night that our most recent disconnect (a year long) is because he just realized my impending surgery causes him pause. He was married to a woman before me, and I was his first "male" relationship when he was 38.. yet now, although he loves everything else about me, he can't see a future with me because I might get a vagina.

I had to interrupt him and told him to call back in 5, as I hyper-ventilated and cried to myself.. although, I still sobbed as he patiently listened to me speak for the next hour.

I just fucking can't.