Hi. I'm a 40m married to a 34enby partner. Together 12 years and married for 10. We have two kids a billion pets and own a home together. In 2018 they came out to me as bisexual. A year later we decided to open our relationship in order for us both to explore things while providing a really solid boost to our communication and connection. Then COVID happened and we paused things.

In 2021 I came out as bisexual. We haven't really dated in years but their curiosity about the other side of their sexuality has really weighed on them, and they have yet to meet anyone or have any experiences.

Fast forward to the past couple months. They've been growing distant and the physical intimacy has been declining. We're both in therapy. I was told that they were struggling because of their sexuality and because I now dress differently and I've grown out my hair. As a bit more time went on it came up again and I wasn't really building tension during the day. I adjusted started touching them more and sneaking kisses. Still didn't seem to be enough.

Finally a few days ago as I asked if they would come listen to me as I said how I was feeling they admitted that they believe they may be a lesbian. We spoke again last night and they went on to say that they aren't sure they have ever enjoyed intimacy with men.

The difficulty is they haven't experience the other side and so they aren't ready to say for certain they're a lesbian without actually having a connection or relationship with a woman.

So, if you've read this far here are the issues I face currently while I wait for them to find a sex therapist and possibly a relationship that will allow them to explore things.

There is no intimacy. Physically we hug and kiss and I have to initiate all of it. They also for the past three years feel as though my coming out was less legitimate because it came after theirs. So I've spent the past month teetering between support/love, depression, and anger.

Anyone have any experience with a happy or successful mixed orientation marriage? How did you make it work? I don't have any friends to confide in currently and no queer community. Conversely my spouse has their entire queer soccer team for support. Thanks for reading.