First and foremost - thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. It certainly cannot be easy. Being a part of a mixed orientation married is an adjustment AND in your situation, you MUST allow yourself time to mourn what you thought you had. Process that this isn’t the marriage you thought you had. It doesn’t seem that there was intentional deception or any ill intent. Nonetheless it is where you are and many other people have found themselves to be.

I could tell you so much from his perspective - his journey to self discovery and how hard it must have been to admit it to himself and then to you, etc…

However, this is about you. It is about: how do you reconcile thinking you were solidly moving forward in a relationship where you thought you knew not only his identity, but the identity of your union. This is what many people in a marriage face when secrets come out, infidelity issues arise, betrayal of confidence, siding with an opponent in a complex situation, etc…. face and have to content with. When the playing field changes.

It is possible to heal from this. This can be traumatic and disorienting. I would invite you to consider that time has passed and these feelings persist. Have you sought counseling? It would be good for you to sit in a safe space to determine what your person hierarchy is with regard to vital characteristics that are crucial for you to be in a relationship where you feel safe, seen, and fulfilled. Additionally, can you support a person in the LGBTQ community as a partner? Not everyone can and that’s ok if it is simply not in you to share your life with someone who has a different identity that you. As you said, you are fine with others, but for you, for your life, for your needs, for your identity, for your sense of self in what a marriage means to you- this may be different.

If you cannot be in this marriage wholeheartedly, support and trust your husband, and if this one aspect of his sexual identity is always going to be greater than the sum of his entire being, then you must do both yourself a favor and move on to allow each other to live more fulfilling lives where you both may find partners that can be accepting and supportive of the entire person without compromise. We all compromise in a marriage, we all grow and adjust, and we all come to realize that none of us have the marriage we imagined we would. Some of us embrace that and others chose not to. You must decide what you want, are willing to do and accept.

Again, counseling may help you sort this out.

Wishing you all the best!!!