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I've posted here before looking for advice. But I guess I'm beyond that now. My husband came out as Bi 2 years ago. We have been married 35 years. We went to therapy over those two years on two occasions when I discovered his chat room activities. He claimed to want to stay in the marriage. He is ill and impaired, rather severely. I have taken care of him, lovingly. A couple days ago (to make a long story short) after a visit with the therapist when he claimed he wanted to salvage the marriage, which would mean his resigning from hook-up sites and ending a 2 month online "relationship" with a boy less than 1/3 his age. I learned that he had in fact NOT ended the communication (even though he said he had by removing himself from the , just moved the communications to another venue. The day after our therapy session I discovered messages on his phone containing plans to meet the boy that weekend. I asked him to leave the house, in spite of the fact that I am very concerned about his driving ability and whether he can manage on his own. He has Orthostatic hypotension, which causes falls without warning, among other morbidities. I am heartbroken in every way. After all those years, I can't stop worrying about his welfare. It's become a part of me. If he had simply said that he was confused and needed some time (we have a second home), I would at least had a shred of dignity and some respect for him. 35 years.
Sex and love arent one in the same, despite what social ideology says. Outside of trust betrayal has his involvement with this other male caused you any harm? how has you sex life together been? MANY marriages have 1 partner who has a much higher sex drive and need than the other. Ethical non monogamous relationships are fairly common, and can be enjoyable for both parties. You just have to let go of the green eyed monster and embrace a different mind set is all. If you were interested they might even let/enjoy you joining. If youre heart broken and this concerned, maybe looking into a different view point could solve everything. There are books, and groups all over the internet and even therapist who can help and guide you with starting an ENM relationship. I have been in an ENM relationship for years, personally its the best thing I have ever done for a relationship. Its forced us to communicate on levels we never dreamed of, and kept both of us active and in a fresh relationship mind set. I have a higher sex drive than my partner, and while I dont currently, I know if it came right down to it I could have a side sex partner and it would be okay. We choose to play together only, which is extremely nice and very hot lol. If your sex drive is low or even non existent, if you think about it, its like having a partner with a sweet tooth and the other one has no interest in sweets. So on occasion one runs to the donut shop or chocolate store. There are alternatives to divorce here and communities and books to help you navigate them.
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