I was addicted to meth and used it pretty much every day for about …. 4 years? I was also addicted to fentanyl for several years before that. When I got clean from the fentanyl I found that I couldn’t bounce back physically or mentally. I was constantly miserable and in pain but I still needed to go to college and go to work and survive you know. so I started using meth to get through it. It was cheaper and I didn’t overdose on it. In fact I could be pretty damn productive on it. I got a lot done. I graduated college. I held a very high paying tech job for a year. I never slept. I hardly ate or drank water. I ended up spending most hours of the day alone in my bathroom hitting a pipe. I stopped being able to handle even every day tasks of survival much less holding a job or maintaining my household. I stopped caring. I just wanted more meth.

The first year I was clean I was miserable. It’s going to be so boring. I’m sorry but it is. After abusing meth for so long, my poor brain was so burnt out that all it could handle for the first 12 months was slow, painful recovery. There’s just no substituting the rush of what meth used to give. I had no choice but to learn to live without it instead and come to terms with how mundane everyday life truly is. And eventually being able to appreciate the mundane again.

Stuff I do nowadays that I wasn’t able to do when I was on meth: stop and appreciate a cool looking tree. Ask myself what a cloud looks like and use my imagination. Sit in silence for awhile and appreciate the sound of running water. Take a long midday nap with my cats.

It feels really nice to be able to be curious again. Without meth. I can be creative again. Without meth. I’m learning how to have interests and hobbies and enjoy everyday life again and I don’t even need meth for it anymore.

Stay safe.