I have struggled all my life with a variety of mental health issues..mostly depression and anxiety. I have also been diagnosed with a severe personality disorder. I used to be very extroverted and social, I used to enjoy going out of my way to meet new people and make friends. I used to be relatively happy. 5 years ago you would have found me at the local internet Cafe laughing, surrounded by language textbooks conversing with friends and colleagues. Now, pick any random night of the week, I am home, alone and isolated, in a crummy dark bedroom, drenched in sweat tearing my room apart in search of any leftover crank to fend off the dreaded comedown.

Never in my life have I been so miserable and unhappy. I'd kill myself but the fear of a hell that may or may not exist keeps me on this god forsaken planet. If I knew for a fact that there was no negative consequence for ending myblife, then I would go to my friends house, grab his Pistol and blow my head off. I'd end this nightmare once and for all. But I don't know. And it is fucked.

I know I did this to myself. I know I deserve it. I've been drinking a lot since the evening. I am not sure how that's going to effect things. Peace guys..I hope I choke on my puke and never wake up.