I am 24 years old and I have been using meth on and off since I was 20. I wish I never started but now living without the stuff seems impossible. The drug isn't even that great. Get high, have sex/jack off, tweak for a few nights, come down, regret it and then what? Like what's the fucking point of this shit? What's the point of anything anymore? I know I should quit but life without it seems so boring. I am very far behind in life. I am unemployed, and have been consistently since using this stuff. I dropped out of school and lack a formal education, I pushed away most of my friends and spend most of my time alone, my depression, anxiety, and other mental issues have worsened immensely. I have lost all interest in my hobbies, passions, and goals, and I have basically given up in all areas of life. I have no aspirations besides smoking meth and staying up all week. It all hits me after I orgasm after edging for hours to hundreds of tabs of porn. What's the point of this drug? What is there to get out of it? I don't know if I want to keep doing this for the rest of my life.

I have tried treatment and apparently I am not doing something right because I have continued to get high. I don't want to go back. But I also don't want to spend my life like this. I was an idiot. I should have never tried this drug. But the question is what compelled me to use it in the first place? Am I running from something? Am I attempting to " heal the pain" or am I just a reckless asshole that can't keep his hands off the pipe?

Thanks for reading this.