Foolishly I decided to try crystal meth back in 2021 just for shits and giggles. Well needless to say no one is laughing now. I have done a lot of damage to my life with this drug, and even after overdoses, hospitalsls, a night in jail, psych wards, losing friends, losing money, dental problems, psychosis, severe depression, dozens of treatment centers,etc, I still keep coming back to it. I continue to fail to grasp the severity of the situation at hand. I am addicted to crystal meth. It has stolen my soul and all I care about is using. I am in a very ugly situation. To be fair, no one is to blame for this but myself. I accept full responsibility for this mess. The drug worsens my pre existing mental health problems and has made me a lot more impulsive and reckless than I normally am.. I stopped caring about the simple things in life. Family, careers, friends, etc. Don't get me wrong. I love my siblings and my mother, my father ( R.I.P) would be very sad to see that this is how things turned out. I used to go out to socialize and date, but nothing beats meth and porn. My family does not know that I am using..Somehow I have become very good at bullshiting people over the years.

I won't get into the details, but while I am intoxicated on meth, I behave recklessly and act like a psychopath. Normally when I tweak I stay to myself and leave people alone, but lately I have been contemplating doing crazy, terrible, illegal things. I haven't actually done anything but since last month I have been hanging out with my dealer, who behaves violently to get money and dope. I stood there carelessly as he violently beat a poor man to a pulp for not paying him on time. I cringed..it didn't feel right..but on meth..it did.

I dont know what I want from life. But I still have some good left in me..and I don't want to be this kind of person. When I started using meth, I justified it by saying no one was getting hurt besides me..well..I guess this drug does effect other people so now I have a decision to make. I went through a huge amount in less than 4 days..and now I am trying to stabilize. I have some left..Idk what I'll do with it..wish me luck guys.