You’re speeding and crash (ha what a clever pun)

This is what recovery looks like (your mileage- ok I’ll stop- will vary but this has been my experience after using 60-100 every day for 2.75 years straight)

Month 1: You’re a vegetable. Blink twice if you can hear me shit.

Months 1-12: you’re basically a bedridden. Think ok yourself as the guy who was moved from an ICU to a nursing home style facility. That’s the first year. It sucks and it’s horrible.

Months 12-20: you’re in a wheelchair. Months 12-17 sucked hard still but by month 18 I began to feel like the guy in a wheelchair who has strong arms 😂

Months 20-24: you’re standing but using a walker. You still feel ridiculous and are depressed that this is your life but it’s not over yet.

Months 24-30: you’ve got cane. Almost there.

Month 30-36: you’re walking on your own. But baby steps. So close.

Months 36-???: you’re basically fully neurologically recovered. But in some ways life has just begun again. I think by this period you still need a lot of psychological support because you’ve spent the last 3 years serving time and like getting out of prison it’s going to be an adjustment.

You spent 3(?) years high as a kite and 3 brutal years recovering from that. Now what? Well now you’re living again. And you’re not that sick person anymore. But maybe that’s scary because all you’ve know for the past 3 years is being a sick recovering amphetamine injured person.

I know as I’m getting closer it’s dawning on me that one day I’ll be completely better. Then no more excuses. No more daily naps. It’ll be more close to how I was in 2019 before this crazy shit show began. That’s a bit scary because in some ways I’ve forgotten how to live. And I’m learning again.

And I also have to confront what got me here. I can’t repeat the mistakes of the last 20 years (18-38). 38-58 has to be different or I’ll probably be dead at 60.

This whole thing has made me realize that life often doesn’t truly begin until you’re ready for it to. And many people truly do spend the first half of their life preparing and learning how to live meaningfully.

It may be 40, 50, or even 60 when you really sore for the first time ever, but you have to reckon with what was keeping you grounded for so long.