Anyone ever get into a cycle of making it 30, 60, 90 days even then using one time. Like sniffing two lines, feeling like shit immediately and then flushing the bag? Only to feel tweaked and guilty for 6 hours.

I’m not sure why I am having trouble with long stretches. It’s like auto pilot comes on and I end up with a bag after weeks clean. Only to use it once. I’m self aware enougj to know I don’t want it. Even when I sniff that first line I know I am gonna hate it.

The only thing I haven’t really tried is working a program.

I used for 1.5 years, then sober for 2. Used 6 months, sober for 3. Then my first relapse after 3 years was a one and done and I’ve done it once and flushed like every month and a half since. So for like 1 year.

So frustrating.