It was so hard for me to even write the title. Me and my dealer have know each other for a few years and I kno the saying your drug dealer is never your friend but he sincerely is one of my best friends. We kick it, get high, and have heart to hearts. He listens to me bitch and complain, gives me good solid advice, he calls me on my bullshit and makes me face reality, and I just know he does truly care.

Trust me I’ve put this man through enough when I’m high af for him to still come around and kick it with me says a lot.

Ive been trying since August to quit to no avail. And no realizing that much crush has moved into love idk wtf to do. I have huge abandonment issues and stay in abusive ass relationships way too long bc I don’t want to be left again (he is not abusive but my ex husband was and my bff is)

I kno you all are gunna tell me I gotta let him go but that would absolutely rip my fucking heart out. Getting sober is fucking so god damn hard but on top of it just loose one of my closest friends too?

And yes he would come around if I stopped using. Our friendship is not solely based on coke.